On etiquette

Where would we all be if we didn't have this little thing called etiquette? We may not all live on the Upper East Side, but that doesn't mean we have to slum it by using the wrong fork to eat our salads. Life's too short. Japanese Afternoon TV shows you all the nitty-gritties of proper etiquette, so you don't have to live like a slob:

1) When entertaining and serving Japanese tea and a light snack to your guests, always serve the snack before the tea, setting the snack plate directly in front of your guest, and the tea cup off to the right. This is because it's apparently better to get a little food in you and not drink tea on an empty stomach. Also, if you set the tea in the middle and the snack off to the side, your guest risks knocking over the tea cup while reaching for the snack. Aspiring Japanese daughters-in-law, be warned!

2) When on a date and dining in a fancy restaurant that uses actual, expensive wine glasses, and you get lipstick on your glass after drinking, don't use your napkin (which should be opened, folded neatly in half and placed on your lap with the open ends facing away from you) to wipe the glass directly. This may scratch the pricey glass. Instead, discreetly use your thumb to wipe the lipstick off, then wipe your thumb on the inside fold of your napkin. This ensures that the lipstick mark won't be seen on the outside of your napkin, nor will it risk staining your clothes. And this routine should be repeated every time you take a sip of wine. Whoever said fine dining was easy, ladies?

3) If you find it a chore to be constantly wiping off lipstick from your glass, why not try mastering the art of drinking without touching your lipstick? Balance the inner edge of the glass on the underside of your upper lip. Then, while sipping, try to balance it as much as possible on the upper lip, while touching as little of your lower lip as possible, keeping the lips tight. If any of you actually succeeds in figuring this out, let me know.

4) When eating peas in a fine dining setting, don't pierce your peas with your fork. Instead, lightly press the back of your fork on the peas, catching them in between the prongs (and hopefully not smushing them too much). What's the rationale behind this? My guess (from personal experience) is that trying to impale the peas individually probably risks them flying off the plate, and possibly landing in someone else's glass or handbag. Not the picture of elegance you want to be portraying at a classy establishment.

Now go forth and charm everyone's socks off with your superior knowledge of entertaining and dining etiquette!

Ijyou desu!